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Will I grow oranges in my ear?

I had just climbed out of bed this morning and in order to hold on to that heady sleepy feeling for as long as possible, I gave into Littler boy’s request for a clementine before breakfast.  While making my customary cup of builder’s tea I was alarmed to hear Littler boy’s frantic screams coming from the living room.  

‘I got a pip in my ear, I got a pip in my ear!’  he squealed while dementedly poking at his left ear.  I went into autopilot and hurriedly bent his head to the side on my lap, where I could just make out the tail-end of a clementine pip.  Between his crying and my answering his worried questions ‘Is it in there forever now mummy?’  and ‘Will I grow oranges in my ear’, it all became a bit of a panic.  I thought it would be easy to force it out by pressing the top of his ear slightly, but of course it wasn’t to be.  I Will I grow oranges in my ear?tried various implements, a spoon, a pen, a pencil but couldn’t get a good grasp on the slippery little sucker. 

Eventually it was the distressing thought of sitting in early morning traffic for an hour to get to A and E which made me go for it and I got a grip on the pip with my faithful eyebrow tweezers and popped it out.  Two minutes later Littler boy was as right as rain and to my horror pretended to do it again!

I suppose it’s all part of self-discovery but it’s shocking how silly 3 year old’s can be.  It must all start with milk, teething rings, and graduates to food.  Once they’ve mastered that orifice they start exploring their other options.

Before having my own children I remember my friend’s son putting an apple pip into his ear.  Properly digging it in, so the only alternative was a rushed trip to A and E and I thought then ‘But why?’ 

Another time and  still pre my own children, my sister’s little girl put a 2 pence piece between her bum cheeks.  She hobbled into the kitchen, John Wayne style, where we were chatting and my sister asked her why she was walking like that, she straight-face replied ‘It’s because I’ve got a penny in my pocket.’  Which while silly, at least was incredibly funny.

Littler boy has always put things in his mouth, his toys, his brother’s toys, money and any stones he comes across on his little journeys.  I wasn’t prepared for this as his older brother never did.  Mind you that was probably why he was so difficult to sooth as a baby.  He was about 4 months old at his crying pitch and his dad and I were literally pulling our hair out trying to figure out what we could do to calm him down – looking back it was all probably wind.  I was so desperate I put aside all my pre-baby parenting principles and made his dad dash to Tesco’s at 3 am for a dummy.  But Bigger boy wouldn’t have it, he just spat it straight back at us.  But for all the pain and sleepless nights, at least he never stuck a pip in his ear!

Has your child ever stuck anything in themselves that they shouldn’t have?  Have you, like me, had to perform your own amateur operation or has have you had to dash to A and E?

Mines Will I grow Oranges in my ear Now – Whats your funny story?

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